Sighing....

 

For many weeks, I haven't known how to say all I've wanted to say. My life is reasonably full, but my heart struggles and bumps along. I start, I stutter, I quit, and I accept the silence. Perhaps I even embrace it and all the things which don't make sense. Something is worn or frayed; I'm tired and sighing...

Sighing...

Resting...

Letting loose...

Letting go...

I don't feel compelled to write...

I don't feel a strong need to figure things out...

I don't want to offer explanations...

I just want to breathe....

and be...

and take things as they are....

I know I live as a broken person in a broken world...

Only Christ redeems...

He enables...

He gives strength...

He is faithful.

He's not surprised.

Open our eyes Lord
We want to see Jesus,
To reach out and touch Him
And say that we love Him.

Open our ears Lord
And help us to listen,
Open our eyes Lord
We want to see Jesus.
   

Confession and Celebration

From Amie's Desk

I confess that I really don't like confession. There. I said it. Having said it, I acknowledge God wants us to be honest with Him and deal rightly with our reality even when we sin. There is beauty not in the fact that we sin, but in the fact that Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. Knowing that I have been declared righteous by Christ's blood, frees me from trying to earn God's approval through my own righteous acts.

My own righteous acts are as filthy rags. On my own, apart from Christ, I am spiritually dead and repulsive to Father God. This makes me see confession with a different slant even though I may still be uncomfortable admitting my own sin and seeing myself in the truth of my own ugliness. As we acknowledge our painful realities before the One who desires to remain in deep relationship with us, we are enabled by the Spirit to recognize that He also provides us the means for healthy relationship with Him. 

He did not spare His own Son on my behalf.

His love extends that far.

It's a wondrous love

It's a glorious love which promises me a glorious future that I don't deserve.

My sin puts me out of step with God, but the good news is I have a Savior.

My Savior is able to cleanse me though the healing power of His own blood. 

Not only does Christ save me from my sin and myself, as He becomes Lord of my life, He shows me what to do and how to live.

Confession may never be easy, but it does become easier as we focus on the Savior and His forgiveness. If we admit our sins, He will forgive us our sins and purge us of our wrongdoing before Him. The process of coming clean may at times be difficult and humbling, but more good news teaches us that our Father opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. Perhaps the more I reveal myself before Christ, the more I leave room for Him to reveal Himself and His glorious love to me. At the other side of confession, there is most likely something big to celebrate.

To do lists and to don't lists?

From Amie's Desk...

At one point during this week of my personal quitting season, I was standing in the hallway chatting with a co-worker friend. Our conversation lasted all of five minutes as we expressed our thoughts and then went our separate directions. I am grateful for this momentary pause on an ordinary day because it reminded me to consider what truly matters. 

What truly matters is not having all the details down-pat..

What truly matters is not the paperwork I fill out in an attempt to secure A, B, C deal

What truly matters is not what specific day I complete X, Y, Z project

I don't remember anything about high-school geometry

I don't remember many of the grades I earned in my seminary courses

I don't know or care how many people logged on to Facebook this past Tuesday.

I suppose projects and assignments are a part of doing God's will...but people are a much more important part.

Relationships matter.

My relationship with God matters.

My relationship with others matters.

My family matters. 

My friends matter.

People who may pass through  this life without knowing the hope which only Jesus gives matter

People who may never know the joy and freedom of salvation unless we tell them matter.

Who I spend my time with and what I choose to share with them matters..

Do the people within my sphere of influence know how much they matter to me? How can they tell?

Do the people within my sphere of influence know how much they matter to Jesus? How can they tell?

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into this or that town and spend a year there and do business and make a profit.”  You do not know about tomorrow. What is your life like? ^" 

Within the entire scheme of earthly life and eternity...we need to have chats with co-worker friends. We need to spur each other on toward love and good deeds...we need to consider what truly matters, what does not, and align our God-given priorities accordingly as we make out our agendas and to-do lists...

Praise and Rescue...

From Amie's Desk...

Lord, would You help me to focus on You as I attempt to go about Your business again this week?
I truly desire to serve You with gladness and remember that You are God of all. I want to worship You with a joyful spirit and praise You for all that You are and have been.

Thank You Lord, for Your continued presence in my life.
Thank You, for all the seasons You have seen me through...seasons of doubt, pain, and sorrow, seasons of fear, desire, and fretting, seasons of health, joy, and happiness...seasons of growth and seasons of silence.

Thank You for never leaving me alone.

So Noah, his wife, and his sons and their wives left the boat.  And all of the large and small animals and birds came out of the boat, pair by pair.

 Then Noah built an altar to the Lord, and there he sacrificed as burnt offerings the animals and birds that had been approved for that purpose. And the Lord was pleased with the aroma of the sacrifice and said to himself, “I will never again curse the ground because of the human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood. I will never again destroy all living things.  As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night.”

You are a God who watches over Your people.

When You bring people in, You will also bring them out.

You are God, the Deliverer...the One who Rescues and Saves.

Thank You for salvation.

Great is Your Faithfulness.

I praise You, Mighty Promise-Keeping God and ask for Your guidance the whole week through...

So may it be...

I need help...

From Amie's Desk...

In this, the dawn of  my quitting season, I have come to realize what a worrywart I  really am. It's past time to quit all the worry and just breathe some more. I've got to give up the notion that life is somehow passing me by if I am not engaged in every single moment. Staying engaged (consciously or unconsciously) without hitting the pause button is exhausting. I hate having my mind whirl about at a hundred miles an hour while my body is trying to relax and get calm. Sleepless nights and agitated days...I so want to kiss you goodbye...goodbye...goodbye...

I am weary of trying to keep up with the crowd...even when I can't pinpoint exactly who the crowd is....I want fit in well enough to not stand out or I want to be willing to stand out even though I don't fit in... As I write this, I wonder what is so wrong with not fitting in? What is so wrong with just being who I am?

Jesus was not always warmly accepted by those He came to save. Far from it.

Jesus was not always well-understood by those He tried to minister among.. Far from it.

He once asked a disciple how a person could be with Him for so long and still not know who He was. Could it be that often we miss important traits and things about people because we are looking for them to be something different than who or what they are? In our ignorance, we are sometimes guided by assumptions. and perceptions which miss the mark completely. 

Lord, in this season of my life, I want to know You more. Help me to truly turn my eyes upon You.

Help my relationships with others to be guided and informed by the relationship I have with You.

Help me not to miss what is important because I get bogged down by details which are not. 

Help me to get past my own assumptions and perceptions so that I may truly see people and circumstances the way that You see them.

Help me to get priorities straight so that I can engage when I need to and let go when things will have no significance to my life in You.

I need a lot of help.

Just Quit the Focus on Yourself

From Amie's Desk

In this, the dawn of my quitting season, I feel led of the Lord to reflect upon one of the earliest texts of my childhood: Psalm 100. Psalm 100 is a psalm of praise and thanksgiving; it's not a psalm of stress, distress, and weightiness. Scholars refer to it as Jubilate because it calls God's people to be joyful. I first learned it under the direction of my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Bloem, thirty-something years ago; I delight to hear it now on the lips of toddlers and young children I have opportunity to be in contact with.

I note that the psalm does not call us as believers to a perfect noise; it calls us to a joyful noise which arises from a cheerful spirit. The psalm calls us to a spirit of gratefulness as we come together from all different experiences and walks of life. We are to come with gratitude before God who is both our Creator and our King.

Starting from an attitude of gratitude shifts the focus from myself as the worshiper toward the One who is being worshiped.

He wants us to worship Him
He wants you to worship Him
He wants me to worship Him.

We are to declare His praise not because He needs us to, but because of who He is.

He doesn't need us.
He doesn't need you.
He doesn't need me.

He chooses to use us...

in order that we may recognize Him for who He is.
in order that we may witness for Him to those around us.
in order that we may declare Him worthy and glorious... even on days when we don't feel worthy or glorious ourselves.

Just quit the focus on yourself and turn your focus toward Me instead: I'm worthy of all your joy; I'm worthy of all you have.

Just Quit...

From Amie's Desk...

It's 4:00 am and I turn my head on the pillow. One hand reaches up to knead the cramped muscles in the back of my neck. So tight. I'm carrying around my tension in the hours before dawn while I should be yet asleep. I've got no words. I don't know if I am empty or too full so I lie still and breathe in the dark. One breath...a second...a third...more...

Just breathing and silent...kneading and needy.

Two words come into my mind or are spoken to my soul; in the dark, by myself, a message so clear:

Just Quit.
Just Quit.

Quit trying so hard. 
Quit trying to measure up.
Quit worrying so much about others....what they think and what they do.
Quit trying to earn approval.
Quit trying to iron out ability and disability

The dailies have wrinkles.
What you think matters, might not matter very much.

There is more to life than achievements...There is more than accolades...There is more than human acceptance, loyalty, and pats on the back...

It's time. 
Be done
Let go.

You're almost forty years old. You've tried and you're tired.

Live free! 
It is for freedom that you've been set free...

Right now...
Relax
Step away...from thoughts and feelings and perceptions which imprison

Take care not to care so much...

Just Quit.