Straight Talk

 

From Amie's Desk

The new electric toothbrush I got for Christmas takes some getting used to. I take a damp cloth from the container this morning and I swipe at the toothpaste smudges on the mirror. A question comes into my head: God, what is Your will for me today?  I pause as I wonder if I'm making the situation with the mirror better or worse. The answer comes back clear: Amie, My will for you today, is right under your nose. Don't make things complicated when they don't have to be. 

I need you to love the people I put in your life-path. Speak kindly to Mom, Dad, and Lance today. Keep learning to appreciate them where they are for who they are. Lance will only be little for so long, and you should not take your parents for granted. This life is short and I designed it to be a training ground for the next one. Relationships are important so do your best to put them first, right after Me. 

I need you to diligently pursue the projects I assign to You as a means of loving Me and loving others. 

Use the gifts I have given You to glorify Me and make Me look great through You. Plan and prioritize well, so that My name may be praised, My grace may be plain, and My love may be revealed again. I am a great and mighty God and I can do great and marvelous things through a yielded and willing life. Don't waste your time coveting other people's lives while you should be living your own. No one else has the gifts you have; no one else has your unique calling and circumstances. You are adequate in Me, and by grace, I can make You excellent. Even the smallest tasks can magnify Me as you focus on Me rather than pitying yourself or pleasing someone else. 

I give you people, I give you projects, I give you peace. I need you to love Me right here, right now, with right what you have. Be not greedy or covetous; instead, strive to be wise and content. Go about your day, each day, and know with certainty, you are enabled to love others because I loved you first. You are enabled to live before others because I live in you and enable My life to be known through you. I give you gumption, I give you grace, please employ your mouth and your moments to seek My kingdom, in My power, for My eternal honor and My forever glory. I know you better than you know yourself; I see you beyond the bathroom mirror.

"Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee."

Shadows and Someday...

From Amie's Desk

The dream ends. I awaken quite suddenly to the semi-dark. My eyes are away from clock. The glow from the night-light sets a shadow on the ceiling.

It's okay.
Take a deep breath
Take another deep breath.
Again.
Talk to God.
Do it aloud if it helps.

Father, 

I don't mean to be scared, but I know I have fears. I know some of them are re-occurring ones. 

I don't do hurry very well. And "to the dot" makes me nervous. I'm thankful that when I get to heaven I won't feel pressured by time. I don't understand eternity, but I am grateful for something beyond time.I'm grateful for something beyond stress. I won't feel the inner pressure of  "come on...come on....come on...we've got to go..." I won't be thinking about the three more things which must be done before I can walk out the door and feel good about myself. I will be in Your presence. I will be free to be me and all will be well. Forever. Without fear, and with liberty.

I am thankful that when I get to heaven I won't have the anxiety of fitting in and keeping up. I won't have to worry about being left behind or left out.  I won't have to talk about inclusion because I've been included. I won't have to try and prove myself because I've already been approved. I will have made it, crossed the finish line. Finalmente.

Thank You, God, for the gift of Your Son. Thank You for redemption. Thank You for hearing me. Thank You for bearing with me. Thank You for being there. You hold my dreams. You discern my thoughts from afar...the good, the bad, and the ugly. In  You, I can be secure. 

You know the dark. 
You know the semi-dark. 
You know the shadows.
You know the light.

You are the Light of Life who shines on in the darkness and the darkness can never overcome You. (John 1:5)   

Thank You.

Making it real...

The fleeting and the not so...
"I go on in the hope that I may come to the knowledge of that for which I was made the servant of Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 3:12)

I was at Bible Study yesterday morning when one of the ladies put forth an observation which really made me think, question, ponder, and hopefully grow. I love insights which get down the grit, marrow, and reality of where I am because they challenge me. They remind me I am not yet where long to be; there's still space left to grow, there's still learning to be sought after in my personal walk. There's ideas to grapple with, and practicalities: What does this mean? What does this mean for me? What does this look like in real-life? What does this look like in my real-life? Does it have true impact? What will true impact look like? How does impact relate to calling? How do I get from surface to deep? From passive to active? From cursory and duty to contemplative and delight?

I don't want to just brush over the surface and be content with shoulds, mights, and maybe next years. Long I have lived seeking someday and presently I am faced with: starting now, starting here, starting with me. It's tough to acknowledge my own ignorance and where that ignorance has brought me, or left me, as the case may be. I come up against things I have not done, things I have left undone, things I have neglected or overlooked due to tunnel-vision. Or agenda. or poor planning. or selfishness...or, or, or.

I  awake to confession, to contrition, to renewed consideration, to perhaps more and different contribution. I don't wish to over-analyze, but I wish to pause and reflect enough.  I want to reflect upon Him and with Him, so that I may keep learning from Him and become more like Him. 

I want to take the revelation He is giving me and grow in it, so that I can accurately portray Him to others when they encounter me. I praise Him for His goodness which brings to re-think and and perhaps re-align my priorities. How have I known Him for so long and yet missed Him in so much?

There is much to be said for continued growth in continued grace...If He is really the ever-living, self-revealing, King of the universe He merits the respect and attention that is due Him.

Now and Then...

Marvelous and otherwise...
I have decided I may long be a person with many Day 1 entries in my personal journal. I need space and grace for start and re-start, focus and re-focus, do-overs, and new beginnings. I value continuity, but I also value change. I aspire to be different in the coming year than what I was in the year soon past. I yearn to move forward by chopping down obstacles. Some episodes in my life deserve to be recorded and remembered; others are more mundane and less noteworthy. I treasure the fact God treasures me whether my days seem noteworthy or not.  I am reminded through Jeremiah the prophet that the Lord is my portion and my heritage; consequently, I can keep hoping in Him (Lamentations 3:24). I can look to Him in trust as He continues to provide the necessities which give me life (www.bible.org)

I can put my confidence in Him for the days when I understand things and for the days when I clearly don't. This is huge to me. As I look for comfort in a world which always changes, I can find my sticking-point for stability in a God who changes not. The Creator, who knows me completely, gives me grace which is ample, abundant, and enough, for whatever circumstances I am called upon to encounter.

God knows the depth and intensity of "this too, shall pass". He has crafted me and redeemed me for eternity, which is far more than I can grasp or comprehend in any given span of time. On this earth, there will always be things I am seeking, yet not fully attaining. There will moments where I gain inklings, only to realize I am but scratching the surface.

I'm so grateful for God's loyal love which doesn't run out; I live because of His merciful love which doesn't dry up (Lamentations 3:23). He knows me in my watching, waiting, and wondering. He knows when I flounder, question, wrestle, twist the sheets. I move ahead; I concede exhaustion. I experience forward and back, unsteady rhythm and tottering gait. I breathe deeply, feel passionately, and grant myself the freedom to be...anew....with all there is....and He is and I am. He is thoroughly aware of me and I am sustained even as stages and moods come and go.

Dusky Wisdom

I have been quite "under the weather" in recent days. I was lying in bed the other night after a strong coughing fit when it suddenly dawned on me I was in the middle of spiritual warfare. The devil doesn't want me to feel strong in any aspect of life and it's not unlike him to take advantage of those times when I feel especially weak and vulnerable. 

He doesn't want me to possess a grateful heart. He doesn't want me to give thanks for the good health I am so privileged to enjoy most days; he doesn't want me to be thankful for my comfortable bed and soft pillow. He would have me focus on the life events I am missing while my head pounds and my nose is clogged.

He doesn't want me to live out a servant life. He wants for me to be self-focused in a negative sense; He desires that I am alert enough to know what I am missing, but not alert enough to care. His goal is to keep me frustrated and sullen, robbing me of joys I might gain from rest, stillness, meditation, and supplication. He wants for me to be agitated and increasingly doubtful.

He definitely doesn't want me to humble myself under the mighty hand of God so that I might be lifted up in due time. He would not have me cast all my cares upon Christ and believe Christ cares for  me. He desires to keep me from submitting to God's will for my life. He wants for me to keep believing suffering is a bad thing. He would not have me be self-controlled despite my misery; he would not have me looking to humility as a means of dispensing grace or deliverance. Rather than seeking peace, praying for patience, and hoping for mercy, he would have me be disturbed, disgruntled, and distracted from the purposes of God. He doesn't look for me to demonstrate active dependence upon God anytime in my walk, he actively preys upon my weaknesses, desiring that I would grumble, complain, and moan about that which I am being kept from. 

He isn't looking for me to honor God in the midst of struggle; he doesn't want for me for me to see the grace and wisdom extended to me from the hand of the Almighty. 
Momentary insight from Someone quite beyond myself gives me what I need to sing in spite of the fact that my voice isn't strong and won't carry outside of my immediate circumstances. Beloved words from my childhood come to me in comfort, freedom, and strength: 

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow;
praise Him all creatures here below. 
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost."

The song is perfect even when the singer is hoarse; the shadow flees even though the battles continue.

A Promise for My Heart...

Still...

"The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.Those who are planted in the house of the LORD Shall flourish in the courts of our God." (Psalm 92:12-13)

How blessed I am to know God can bring verses to my mind which comfort my heart at any hour of the day! He is not limited in His resources and He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. To exercise faith and trust in God is to believe He is sovereign no matter what happens next! 

God gave me this verse when I was Peru twelve years ago, but He knows it is appropriate for today too. My blessing is found in knowing Him; as I grow in relationship with Him, He causes my life to remain healthy and fruitful. He is the solid foundation upon which my life can be rooted and built up. By His grace and favor, He may yet cause me to flourish while those around me are defeated and face decay. 

As I stay to near to Him, He is able to make my life and testimony strong, prosperous,  and verdant despite the adversities which may arise against me in body and soul. The person who is found to be faithfully abiding in Christ bears much fruit.  Faithful, habitual, fellowship with the vine provides for vigorous fertility within the branches.What a comfort to know that when I am planted in Christ, I can never be uprooted. My roots will grow down deep as I derive what need from Him and His perfect strength. He will cause my limbs to bear fruit which will grow upward for His eternal glory (adapted from Charles Spurgeon).

I am weak in myself, but because of His relationship with me, I am being made strong. Spurgeon is excellent in his exposition and admonition to those who believe: His words give me hope in perilous hours and the joy of the Lord will continue to strengthen me as I grow and mature in Him:

"Grace does not leave the saint when the keepers of the house do tremble; the promise is still sure though the eyes can no longer read it; the bread of heaven is fed upon when the grinders fail; and the voice of the Spirit in the soul is still melodious when the daughters of music are brought low. Blessed be the Lord for this!" 

Blessed be the Lord, indeed!
Praise Him from whom all  blessings flow!

What does it look like for me to love with more than just tears and tongue?

I want to serve my Lord and those around me with rock-solid commitment. I don't desire for there to be any confusion about whose I am. I want to love through actions and life. I long for my faith to be displayed in vital, life-giving ways. I want to be more than just a good person; I want to become a person of uncommon devotion and sacrifice. I don't just want to be a professor; I want to be a possessor (www.bible.org).

I pray the Lord would help me to put no other gods before Him. By the grace of Christ, I want to keep being set apart to Him  and His service. I want to make myself available to Christ in such a way that I am unavailable to people, pursuits, and ideas which do not please Him and bring about His will. 

I pray the Lord would help me to look to Him alone for meaningful existence and exuberance. May I use the talents and gifts He has given me to make His name and person look great; may I  be willing when I feel lost and inept, to let my weaknesses magnify His perfect strength. In my brokenness, there will undoubtedly be times when I cannot, but He can.  I must trust Him to lead me in the midst of every time and season whether I am in deep in the valley or high upon the peak. Through the operation of the Holy Spirit, may I continue grow in the grace and knowledge of the One who is both saving me and making like Himself. May I know Him ever more fully...this One who already knows me so well.

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

Refrain

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.



.