Envy

Within my process of being real, I confess envy frequently robs me of contentment. I yearn for what I think would be the ideal life and frequently lose my focus on the life I have. If I am going to pursue life as someone who is truly unencumbered, I have to be willing to tackle my envy every time it rears its ugly head.  I can’t allow envy to take over my reality in such a way that I become sullen and embittered. I shouldn’t be drawn to what isn’t when I could be living out what is:

What is the purpose for which God gave me life again this day? He is my Creator.

What is the purpose for which Christ died for me on Calvary’s tree? He is my Redeemer.

What is the purpose behind the Holy Spirit’s empowering me to face the next challenge that lies ahead? He is my Sustainer.

To envy the model her gorgeous figure and alluring eyes will not get me very far at all.

To envy my friend her family rather than appreciating my own is most likely a waste of time.

To envy someone else’s gifts and talents rather than employing my own is a waste of God-given energy which could be put to better use.

Maybe for me, not envying and learning to be content will require more conscious effort than it does for someone else. I need to be honest with God about this: I often envy rather than being appropriately engaged. I need I AM to give me continual reminders of what is so that I can keep from being distracted by what is not and what does not.

I trust He can instruct me and satisfy me as I come before Him to know Him more and more…I desire my heart would be kept teachable…I desire a heart wholly devoted to Him. 

Humble

“The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us, not by what we are and what we do for Him.” (The Message)

Using God and His ways as my measuring stick is a great way for me to pursue and practice humility. I need to return to Him and enter in over and over again. With so many things, I wrestle long and hard before letting go.

In grace, God not only reminds me of who I am with His help; He shows me how much room I have yet to grow. How wise and pertinent it is for me to remember that growth seldom happens all at once! Human physical development is a process, Human spiritual and emotional development is a process too!

In the routine of life, some seasons will be exciting and fruitful while other seasons will be more predictable and mundane. Sometimes I will see God at work in marvelous and expansive ways; other times, I will have to trust He is at work in the midst of the unseen and possibly inconceivable. It is humbling for me to admit when I don’t understand, but perhaps that is exactly where God wants me. He wants me humble.

He wants me to praise Him anyway.

He invites me into relationship regardless

Though I am weak, He remains strong.

Ours is not a partnership of equals.

Our is bond made real by His sacrifice

Ours is a bond dependent upon His power to transform, redeem, and re-create.

Ours is a bond of Just as I Am, Without One Plea

Ours is a bond of “Hallelujah, What a Savior!”

The hope that sustains me in the process of being His is this:

“Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;

Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely, forever:

One day He's coming—O, glorious day!”

Unencumbered

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; …”

As I live out my life in coming days, I want to gain an increasing awareness that God knows it all. He knows about my weaknesses and frailties; He knows about my abilities and disabilities. In His grace and wisdom, quite apart from my own, He allows me to keep them, but not keep them to myself. I don’t want to hide anymore; I’m not as into cover up as I once was. I’m giving up more dismissal and denial. I want to own my difficulties and struggles in such a way that I can sow them and make them useful. I need to take them with me rather than attempt to pretend that they don’t exist. I can’t expect others to be real with me if I am unwilling to be real with them.

Yeah…I’m the girl with the metal cuff crutches.

I’m the girl who doesn’t do barstools, escalators, and “wheel-y” chairs.

I’m the girl with drool on my chin during random times of the day.

My pants may be too long and my shirt may be too short.

I may require extra time to do things and do them well.

There are some things I just can’t do.

My balance is pitiable and my key doesn’t always go in the lock on the first try.

I live with Cerebral Palsy because I have to, not because I want to.

If you need patience with me, take heart, I also need patience with myself.

Within the plan of God, I aspire to be the girl who loves well.

Within the plan of God, I aspire to be the girl who learns well.

Within the plan of God, I aspire to be the girl who listens for His voice.

Within the plan of God, I aspire to be the girl who laughs often. but at appropriate moments.

In His great love and compassion toward me, God is teaching me what it means to be wonderful…I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Join me in my continuing journey as I discover what it means for me to run with endurance and find myself joyfully unencumbered…